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Fair forfochen, skelly, an burstin fur a Turkish delight, she wheeched doon the pakkies fur fags. Hirplin aboot in his baffies, Mr Razzaq, skelly-eyed an' mingin' av curry sauce, slowly leuked ower his glesses an pit doon his copy of the Daily Record, gobsmacked by her imposing figure. "Yes, Madam?" he politely enquired. "Wit wiz it ye wur..." "Gie us two packets o' Silk Cut an' a packet o pickled onion crisps, ya ferry louper!" she slurred, ruder than even Mr Razzaq was accustomed to, despite his background in fitba refereeing. "Ah'm afraid the pickled onion's finished. Hedgehog flavour instead? We're fresh out of porcupine drops, but

andy | 2004-06-24, 08:29:40
I’ve no idea what Mr Razzaq actually did at this point, I’m afraid, but I’ll spend the next few weeks trying to find out (I'll be back online and in full swing by mid-July). Until then, then, Hen.
anders | 2004-06-20, 14:56:54
I'll change it by hand... That's annoying though.
fiona | 2004-06-20, 14:23:26
Still unable to change the mistake....should we just continue anyway??
fiona | 2004-06-17, 14:36:59
Still not working.
Sorry !
anders | 2004-06-17, 12:45:48
Give that another shot, Fiona. I'm having a world of trouble with these apostrophes here, but let's hope I'm done with that now...
fiona | 2004-06-17, 12:35:15
Re: my previous entry.
Anders.. i've tried repeatedly to correct the aforementioned mistake, but keep getting the following response:
The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.
Please contact the server administrator, and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.
Please can you help us out with some Divine Inervention, O Mighty God of the Site?? ( Pretty Please?)
fiona | 2004-06-17, 12:21:32
woops! of course i meant 'keekin'. Just a wee tip of the slung there.
Been VERY busy recently, and the concentration isn't quite what it should be. Promise to try harder!
anders | 2004-06-16, 15:18:26
I'm suitably impressed it took you 387 words to get confused here; I was lost by word 11 myself...
andy | 2004-06-16, 06:44:14
Keein? You just lost me there, I'm afraid, unless you meant 'keekin'. Please fill me in.
andy | 2004-06-02, 16:39:20
Jist fitba - no sectarianism. Ah promise.
fiona | 2004-06-02, 12:45:03
Oh and by the way, I may be a Tim, but not a pape! Just a very thrawn prod!
fiona | 2004-06-02, 12:43:11
I agree, but please.. no sectarianism on this site... Ghod might have to censor us!
andy | 2004-06-02, 08:09:47
I thought you were. Just wanted to make sure before I started slagging off the Gers (some of them wankers at Ibrox have no sense of humour, apparently).
fiona | 2004-06-02, 07:16:44
What can you possibly mean ' who do i support in the Premiership????'
Everyone knows that here IS ONLY one team!!
Yup, I'm a genuine Tim, One of the Bhoys...a celebrator of this year's Double in deep mourning for the loss of our 'Magnificent Seven'.
Been a true Tim since the age of 6 and the Lisbon year we'll show Europe again!! OOps.... BAD mistake to get me started on this subject, i could go on forever!!
'You'll never walk alone.......'
anders | 2004-06-02, 06:46:45
Wow. I had no idea that word would be in Webster's Dictionary... Though of course a Scot explains it better.
andy | 2004-06-02, 06:17:44
I'll take *your* word for it, then. Who do you support in the Scottish Premiership, by the way?
fiona | 2004-06-02, 05:17:37
Well, that's rich coming from him! Steve's a REAL Sassenach, and doesn't even have the redeeming feature of being married to a Scot !!!
andy | 2004-06-02, 05:03:07
Nah, Colin's all right says my wife's workmate Steven Hale.
fiona | 2004-06-02, 02:33:46
By the way, not ALL Sassenachs are basturts! (only most)
(ahm merrit tae yin !!) Just as long as Sweden ( or anyone else in the whole world for that matter ) totally GUBB England in EM, i will be deliriously happy:) (NOT that i am in the slightest bit PREJUDUCED , you understand !!)
anders | 2004-06-01, 10:57:44
I must admit that "Andy Lind" has a certain Dashiell Hammett-esque ring to it. Very nice.
andy | 2004-06-01, 10:37:38
I'm used to being called Andy (not only by "Sassenach basturts" and other anglophones) and very comfortable with it, so that's one 'Andreas' less to keep track of - at least in this forum.
anders | 2004-06-01, 10:10:21
Why, your humble demigod of recreational writing thanks you... And yeah, two Andreases and one Anders, plus the fact that we have two "Mr. Lind" can be confusing indeed.
fiona | 2004-06-01, 10:02:05
Anders: Revel in your omnipotence!!...'tis , i believe, hard-earned and awe inspiring!
And Andy ( 'Anders'... this is very confusing!)..lets revel in being 'extremely hand-picked'!! Cool!
andy | 2004-06-01, 10:03:34
Fair enough! I rest my case.
andy | 2004-06-01, 10:01:23
That's "circle of readers", by the way, if anyone's mystified out there...
anders | 2004-06-01, 10:00:04
The circle of readers is sufficiently educated on the finer points of round-robin writing to appreciate the beauty of occasional mistakes... it is an extremely hand-picked bunch of people.
andy | 2004-06-01, 09:48:50
I, too, like the warts-and-all approach to round-robin writing but, at the end of the day, we have a cicle of readers to care about. ;-)
anders | 2004-06-01, 09:55:58
And hey, I really am omnipotent in here -- I wrote the whole set of programs that run this thing :)
anders | 2004-06-01, 09:51:59
All valid concerns. I do prefer to keep editing after the fact to a minimum, but mistakes so obvious that they distract from the story should probably be fixed. Adding a few fords for clarity is iffy; part of the fun here is expounding on ambiguities in unexpected directions... Future plans include giving story admins the power to edit the stories they started, but for now, all of those things have to go through me, and it isn't a trivial thing to do at the moment. So, what have we learned here? Probably something cheesy about patience and virtues. The muddled bits may or may not become clear in time.
fiona | 2004-06-01, 09:34:43
And how, exactly, do you intend to attain my permission??
Remember, I'm a favours don't come cheap !! :)
Personally i think it feels like the thin end of the wedge..... how much editorial reflection is allowed in real relay writing? Isn't the spontaneity, warts and all, meant to be the fun part? I mean.. the story almost NEVER turns out the way you intend it to, or hope it will.... which is frustrating but inspiring too.
Well, anyway, the real question is .. how much are we allowed to cheat and ask the almighty Mr. Bylund to repair our mistakes/clarify our 'iffy' bits ???
andy | 2004-06-01, 09:10:25
No, that's perfectly correct - cheers! Now, I know it's not your job to clean up my act, Master Bylund, but - provided that I get Fiona's permission - could you squeeze in ", retorted Lorna" after "ya cow!"" (halfway through the story) for me and the sake of clarity?
fiona | 2004-06-01, 09:13:07
woops... looks like i need correcting all over the place today.. it should of course be 'A' wee angel, and nothing else!
fiona | 2004-06-01, 09:11:17
You're wee angel, Anders!
Or, in fact, you would appear to be more omnipotent than that; a veritable deity , no less! ( at least on THIS site!!) :)
anders | 2004-06-01, 08:58:31
Well, rules are rules, but good grammar comes first, of course! Is this what you wanted, or am I too far lacking in Scottish linguistics to have correctly... uh, corrected the story?
andy | 2004-06-01, 08:21:55
I don't think we can, but we could always paste the story into a Word document when it's finished and touch it up then instead.
fiona | 2004-06-01, 07:44:53
Nae probs!
Can't we just stick in an 'and' retrospectively? Or is that cheating terribly?
andy | 2004-06-01, 07:08:07
Oops! I just discovered that I finished off the previous sentence prematurely - so sorry, Fiona and other keen readers out there!
fiona | 2004-06-01, 02:21:52
Thanks..such fantastic service!!...wish the people i work with were as efficient!!!
anders | 2004-05-31, 21:53:30
I do apologise about that problem. I entered the text you tried to... uh, enter, and it is now Andy's turn. Tell me if the problem persists, though.
fiona | 2004-05-31, 15:08:07
...having a wee technical hiccup here. The programme doesn't seem to want to accept my next contribution. You'll just have to wait. "The best laid plans...." and all that , ye know :) ( not the same poem!)
andy | 2004-05-31, 09:10:13
I shudder at the thought. Luckily for me, though, my two-year-old daughter knows sweet FA about Scots use and abuse.
fiona | 2004-05-31, 08:52:45
..ay, mibbe....just as long as MA WEANS don't get their eyes on it !!
andy | 2004-05-31, 08:34:45
...which is why her story needs to be told to the budding generation of foul mouths, I reckon.
fiona | 2004-05-31, 08:15:01
Jings, crivens, help ma boab!!! Lorna's not only a thrawn wee lassie, she's also a cheeky wee bugger!!! No self-respecting Scottish mother would allow herself to be treated like dirt by her daughter in the way Lorna's mother does !! Ah mean.... she may be a bit crabbit ( aren't we all ) but come on... respect !!!!
fiona | 2004-05-31, 07:58:37
You could always ask for one for your birthday.........
andreas | 2004-05-30, 09:57:10
I sure need a dictionary to decipher this one...
andy | 2004-05-30, 08:33:51
Well, since Lorna wasn't just "a thrawn yin" but "a right thrawn yin" I thought it a good idea to have her literally stuff the crowdie *into* her armpits (whether by osmosis or surgery, I don't know).
fiona | 2004-05-30, 03:59:28
Vi kan väl ta den Värmländska för din skulle Kim:):)
carlquist | 2004-05-30, 02:51:08
Släpper ni en engelsk version när ni skrivit klart denna? :-)
fiona | 2004-05-29, 16:32:58
Actually,the thought of stuffing ANYTHING ( never mind crowdie ) INTO your oxters sort of boggles the mind. If anything, perhaps a more appropriate preposition would be 'under'?. However... crowdie? how revolting! Anyway, ahm just away tae pit oan ma bagpipe music, so cheerio the noo, hoots mon!
andreas | 2004-05-29, 13:50:52
Don't you worry Fiona; Mr. Lind is a well-bred gentleman with his wits about him. But Andreas, watch out for this Caledonian... ;)
fiona | 2004-05-29, 04:15:05
andy | 2004-05-28, 16:11:13
"What in the name of jumping Jehosephat is this Andy fellow playing at?" you might ask yourself, but there's nothing fishy going on, I swear, and I'm confident that our common friend and colleague Mr Nyström can vouch for it.
Administrator: Anders Bylund